I am very worried about my United States Senators. According to opensecrets.org, between 2005 and 2010, John Kyl raised only $719.000 from “Health Professionals,” $547,000 from “Securities and Investments,” $326,000 from “Pharmaceuticals/Health Products” and $849,000 from “Real Estate.” That means you could buy his vote for a measly $2,441,000.
John McCain is more expensive. Between 2005 and 2010, his votes cost about $16,000,000 but they’re well spent since his top 5 campaign contributors were Merrill Lynch ($378,000), Citigroup, Inc. ($331,000), Morgan Stanley ($268,000), JP Morgan Chase ($230,000) and Goldman Sachs ($230,000). What a guy!
McCain received $8,900,000 from “Real Estate” and “another $8,700,00 from “Securities and Investment.”
But in spite of “John “Maverick” McCain’s stellar performance, I’m still worried. You see, I’ve been reading about Senator Charles Schumer from New York.
According to Mother Jones Magazine (“Capital City,” January/February 2010 issue), Senator Schumer “has received so much money from Wall Street over the years—more than $14 million—that he actually shut down his personal fundraising efforts between 2005 and 2008.”
Come on Senators McCain and Kyl. I know you can do better. With just a little ingenuity and a lot more selling out, you can best Schumer. Are we going to take a back seat to New York? I didn’t move from Chicago (the Second City) to Arizona to be the second city to anyone.
Please, please, show us the money.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Museums For Morons
Disneyland and Walt Disney World are places of magic and fantasy, designed to provide children and adults of all ages a fun escape from their daily concerns.
Unfortunately, Disney has missed the all important demographic of morons who need their own escape from reality. Happily, I recently learned that there is such a place located not far from Cincinnati in Petersburg, Kentucky. It is related to neither Disneyland nor Walt Disney World. It’s called The Creation Museum.
Here you will learn that the “universe is just over 6,000 years old, created in six days by God.” Here you will see “an animatronic display that includes a girl feeding a carrot to a squirrel as two dinosaurs stand nearby.” Here you will learn that “about 50 kinds of dinosaurs were aboard Noah’s ark, but later went extinct for unknown reasons.”
I know all this because the quotations above were taken from a June 30th, 2009 article in the New York Times. The story told of a group of about 70 paleontologists (these are the scientists who know that the “theory of evolution” is factual) who took a break from their convention at the University of Cincinnati to tour the museum.
One paleontologist, Stefan Bengston from Sweden, was curious to see it because, “we have little of that kind of thing in Sweden.”
I’ll bet. Perhaps only in America would stupidity of this kind have over 750,000 visitors since opening two years ago.
But this museum gave me an idea for other museums based on the great P T Barnum’s business advice to would be entrepreneurs: “There’s a sucker born ever minute.” Consider these possibilities:
The Drug Museum. Here you will see exhibits extolling the success our War On Drugs has had on their eradication. Avoid the parking lot, however. Unscrupulous vendors will try and sell you tobacco and sugar packets claiming that they are really marijuana and cocaine. Of course, this is a hoax designed to cheat the gullible since, as the museum clearly demonstrates, illegal drugs have been eradicated, thus allowing our great legal drug companies to prosper.
The Global Warming Museum. Finally, a museum that incontrovertibly proves that climate change is natural and that humans have absolutely no effect on it (be sure to take advantage of the coupon that allows you to tour this museum as well as The Creation Museum for half price). No need here for that hazardous materials suit that you normally wear outside. Even your gas mask can be left at the door! Here, you can walk around comfortably in our ironically named "climate controlled environment." See the earth as it was before the sea levels rose! Marvel at the Dupont Corporation’s clever recreation of the Arctic ice shelf! Tour the Monsanto exhibit and see what food looked like before it had to be genetically grown indoors (samples offered in our cafeteria at a reduced price)! Experience what a balmy 120 degrees felt like before the earth warmed up (Arizonians may choose to skip this one)! Tour guides from the Exxon Corporation are available to answer any questions you may have.
The George Orwell Memorial Museum. First having opened our doors in 1984, this is our oldest museum. As you enter, you will be given the name of your Congressional representative, the date that he or she first entered office and the approximate number of years after they die when they will no longer be elected to office. This is one of the country’s most popular museums since, as you tour, money is showered down on you from above in the same amount that your representative has received from the defense, pharmaceutical, health insurance and financial services industries during his/her tenure. Hard hats must be worn at all times. We needn’t remind you of the unfortunate demise of Mr. Jonathan Peters (name changed at the request of his family) who, removing his hat for a moment to wipe the sweat from his brow, was crushed by the cascading quantity of money in just the 5 seconds it took for him to do so. Here you will find beautiful wax likenesses of the five Supreme Court justices whose ruling in the Citizens United v FEC case, allowing unrestricted Corporate campaign contributions, made the museum possible (as you know, the Federal Elections Commission was disbanded shortly after this ruling). As you enter, be sure to notice the beautifully carved inscription above the door proclaiming the eternal truths that "war is peace," "love is hate" and “money does not influence my vote.”
The Oil Museum. Unfortunately, The Oil Museum, devoted to demonstrating the wisdom of “drill here, drill now,” had to be closed as the search continues to find enough oil to mount an exhibit. The museum is scheduled to reopen on the same day the War On Terror is won.
Space does not permit me to highlight the virtues of The Private Prison Museum which explains how all crime came to be eliminated, The Insurance Company Museum designed to show why we now rank lower than Haiti in health care outcomes and, of course, my favorite, The Sarah Palin Museum for those who think The Creation Museum is too intellectual.
Enjoy your museum visits.
Unfortunately, Disney has missed the all important demographic of morons who need their own escape from reality. Happily, I recently learned that there is such a place located not far from Cincinnati in Petersburg, Kentucky. It is related to neither Disneyland nor Walt Disney World. It’s called The Creation Museum.
Here you will learn that the “universe is just over 6,000 years old, created in six days by God.” Here you will see “an animatronic display that includes a girl feeding a carrot to a squirrel as two dinosaurs stand nearby.” Here you will learn that “about 50 kinds of dinosaurs were aboard Noah’s ark, but later went extinct for unknown reasons.”
I know all this because the quotations above were taken from a June 30th, 2009 article in the New York Times. The story told of a group of about 70 paleontologists (these are the scientists who know that the “theory of evolution” is factual) who took a break from their convention at the University of Cincinnati to tour the museum.
One paleontologist, Stefan Bengston from Sweden, was curious to see it because, “we have little of that kind of thing in Sweden.”
I’ll bet. Perhaps only in America would stupidity of this kind have over 750,000 visitors since opening two years ago.
But this museum gave me an idea for other museums based on the great P T Barnum’s business advice to would be entrepreneurs: “There’s a sucker born ever minute.” Consider these possibilities:
The Drug Museum. Here you will see exhibits extolling the success our War On Drugs has had on their eradication. Avoid the parking lot, however. Unscrupulous vendors will try and sell you tobacco and sugar packets claiming that they are really marijuana and cocaine. Of course, this is a hoax designed to cheat the gullible since, as the museum clearly demonstrates, illegal drugs have been eradicated, thus allowing our great legal drug companies to prosper.
The Global Warming Museum. Finally, a museum that incontrovertibly proves that climate change is natural and that humans have absolutely no effect on it (be sure to take advantage of the coupon that allows you to tour this museum as well as The Creation Museum for half price). No need here for that hazardous materials suit that you normally wear outside. Even your gas mask can be left at the door! Here, you can walk around comfortably in our ironically named "climate controlled environment." See the earth as it was before the sea levels rose! Marvel at the Dupont Corporation’s clever recreation of the Arctic ice shelf! Tour the Monsanto exhibit and see what food looked like before it had to be genetically grown indoors (samples offered in our cafeteria at a reduced price)! Experience what a balmy 120 degrees felt like before the earth warmed up (Arizonians may choose to skip this one)! Tour guides from the Exxon Corporation are available to answer any questions you may have.
The George Orwell Memorial Museum. First having opened our doors in 1984, this is our oldest museum. As you enter, you will be given the name of your Congressional representative, the date that he or she first entered office and the approximate number of years after they die when they will no longer be elected to office. This is one of the country’s most popular museums since, as you tour, money is showered down on you from above in the same amount that your representative has received from the defense, pharmaceutical, health insurance and financial services industries during his/her tenure. Hard hats must be worn at all times. We needn’t remind you of the unfortunate demise of Mr. Jonathan Peters (name changed at the request of his family) who, removing his hat for a moment to wipe the sweat from his brow, was crushed by the cascading quantity of money in just the 5 seconds it took for him to do so. Here you will find beautiful wax likenesses of the five Supreme Court justices whose ruling in the Citizens United v FEC case, allowing unrestricted Corporate campaign contributions, made the museum possible (as you know, the Federal Elections Commission was disbanded shortly after this ruling). As you enter, be sure to notice the beautifully carved inscription above the door proclaiming the eternal truths that "war is peace," "love is hate" and “money does not influence my vote.”
The Oil Museum. Unfortunately, The Oil Museum, devoted to demonstrating the wisdom of “drill here, drill now,” had to be closed as the search continues to find enough oil to mount an exhibit. The museum is scheduled to reopen on the same day the War On Terror is won.
Space does not permit me to highlight the virtues of The Private Prison Museum which explains how all crime came to be eliminated, The Insurance Company Museum designed to show why we now rank lower than Haiti in health care outcomes and, of course, my favorite, The Sarah Palin Museum for those who think The Creation Museum is too intellectual.
Enjoy your museum visits.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Perhaps We Need An Earthquake
It was reported during the February 4th, 2010 broadcast of "The News Hour With Jim Lehrer" on PBS that, after years of distrusting one corrupt government after another, the Haitians are now looking to their government for help.
What has made the difference is that Haitians see that their government officials are suffering along with the rest of the population. Like other Haitians, government officials have seen their family members die, their homes and offices destroyed and their lives turned upside down by the constant anxiety of trying to survive day to day.
Wouldn’t it be great if, as in Haiti, our government officials in the United States suffered along with us? Perhaps we would distrust them less. Perhaps this might even lead to real reform.
Imagine if:
--Government officials had the same insecurities about the adequacy of their healthcare coverage as we do (I once pointed out to a staffer in Senator John Kyl’s office that his health care coverage was vastly superior to mine or anyone I knew. The staffer accused me of not wanting him to have health coverage at all. “Of course I do,” I responded. “I want you to have the same coverage as the rest of us.” The staffer, of course, had no response).
--Government officials had the same fear of losing their jobs as we do (over 90% of incumbents are reelected).
--Government officials had to stand in security lines at airports along with the rest of us (no doubt, the lines would move faster).
--Government officials were forced to put their kids in public schools (for sure, then, no child would ever be left behind).
--Serving in the military was voluntary except for the children of government officials who would be drafted into the armed services (the inevitable result? Fewer and shorter wars.).
--One in eight government officials, selected by lottery, had to wonder where their next meal was coming from (as is true now for families in the United States).
--By law, the net worth of government officials went down during their time in office (according to the Pew Research Center, “from 1983 to 2004, the median net worth of upper-income families more than doubled, while the median net worth of middle-income families grew by just 29%. In effect, those in the middle have been making progress in absolute terms while falling behind in relative terms.” Social and Demographic Trends,Inside the Middle Class: Bad Times Hit the Good Life, April 9, 2008).
I find this last idea particularly appealing. Perhaps it would lead to government representatives who truly want to serve rather than enrich themselves.
Years ago, I saw a television interview with Ralph Nader who, in response to a question, stated his belief that no one in Congress should earn more than a public school teacher in the state from which that representative was elected.
The reporter looked like this was the most shocking thing he had ever heard and asked, “You mean you want them to serve purely for the public good.”
Now it was time for Nader to be shocked. “Of course,” he said.
It’s shocking to think we might be shocked at the thought of public service for the public good. Perhaps we need an earthquake to shake us up.
What has made the difference is that Haitians see that their government officials are suffering along with the rest of the population. Like other Haitians, government officials have seen their family members die, their homes and offices destroyed and their lives turned upside down by the constant anxiety of trying to survive day to day.
Wouldn’t it be great if, as in Haiti, our government officials in the United States suffered along with us? Perhaps we would distrust them less. Perhaps this might even lead to real reform.
Imagine if:
--Government officials had the same insecurities about the adequacy of their healthcare coverage as we do (I once pointed out to a staffer in Senator John Kyl’s office that his health care coverage was vastly superior to mine or anyone I knew. The staffer accused me of not wanting him to have health coverage at all. “Of course I do,” I responded. “I want you to have the same coverage as the rest of us.” The staffer, of course, had no response).
--Government officials had the same fear of losing their jobs as we do (over 90% of incumbents are reelected).
--Government officials had to stand in security lines at airports along with the rest of us (no doubt, the lines would move faster).
--Government officials were forced to put their kids in public schools (for sure, then, no child would ever be left behind).
--Serving in the military was voluntary except for the children of government officials who would be drafted into the armed services (the inevitable result? Fewer and shorter wars.).
--One in eight government officials, selected by lottery, had to wonder where their next meal was coming from (as is true now for families in the United States).
--By law, the net worth of government officials went down during their time in office (according to the Pew Research Center, “from 1983 to 2004, the median net worth of upper-income families more than doubled, while the median net worth of middle-income families grew by just 29%. In effect, those in the middle have been making progress in absolute terms while falling behind in relative terms.” Social and Demographic Trends,Inside the Middle Class: Bad Times Hit the Good Life, April 9, 2008).
I find this last idea particularly appealing. Perhaps it would lead to government representatives who truly want to serve rather than enrich themselves.
Years ago, I saw a television interview with Ralph Nader who, in response to a question, stated his belief that no one in Congress should earn more than a public school teacher in the state from which that representative was elected.
The reporter looked like this was the most shocking thing he had ever heard and asked, “You mean you want them to serve purely for the public good.”
Now it was time for Nader to be shocked. “Of course,” he said.
It’s shocking to think we might be shocked at the thought of public service for the public good. Perhaps we need an earthquake to shake us up.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Thank God For The Supreme Court
Lately, the Supreme Court has been criticized for ruling to allow Corporations to spend as much money as they choose on political advertisements. Well, I say "Good for them!" After all, with this decision the court has solved one of the most vexing problems of political life: Not enough money in politics. I am certain our elected officials agree with me.
What's one billion dollars to buy a Presidency and a Congress when two billion might be available? Why should Senator Charles Schumer in New York be restricted to receiving only two million dollars in contributions from the Wall Street lobby when four million dollars might be given to him for his votes? Why should Representative Eric Cantor from Virginia be made practically a pauper with only about $500,000 in Wall Street contributions when double that amount could be his for the asking?
Rather than criticizing the court we should be commending them. Now that they have solved the money problem for us we can go back to worrying about what really matters: Who will win this year's American Idol. I can hardly wait.
What's one billion dollars to buy a Presidency and a Congress when two billion might be available? Why should Senator Charles Schumer in New York be restricted to receiving only two million dollars in contributions from the Wall Street lobby when four million dollars might be given to him for his votes? Why should Representative Eric Cantor from Virginia be made practically a pauper with only about $500,000 in Wall Street contributions when double that amount could be his for the asking?
Rather than criticizing the court we should be commending them. Now that they have solved the money problem for us we can go back to worrying about what really matters: Who will win this year's American Idol. I can hardly wait.
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